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  Tears rise to my eyes as I stumble out in front of the crowd.

  “Kyle!”

  He takes off running toward me, and I open my arms for him. He’s moving at lightning speed, but his scent is overpowering. I stumble backward as my nausea wafts over my system. Kyle stops in front of me, his arms falling to his sides as I fall back into Joel.

  “It’s okay. Come here. It’s fine. I’ve got you,” he says.

  “Clarissa?” Kyle asks. “What’s wrong?”

  I put my arm over my nose as I furrow my brow. I want to go to him. I want to wrap my arms around him. I feel my men approaching my sides as I push deeper into Joel. It’s like my body won’t listen. My body won’t follow what my heart wants. My feet are pushing me backward and everything inside of me is screaming to get away. The growing child in my stomach is doing backflips and kicking at my spine, and it sends me into a tailspin and forces me to turn around in Joel’s arms.

  He strokes my hair and I push him away, then backtrack through the crowd.

  “Clarissa, it’s okay. I’m here now,” Kyle says.

  “Just give her a second,” Toshi says.

  I draw in another breath, and it causes bile to rise up my throat. His scent is physically sickening. I turn to look at Kyle. I see Toshi, his body stopping Kyle from moving forward. I see the desperation in Kyle’s eyes. The hurt. The caged fear. Whatever they’ve done to him, my body can’t tolerate him.

  My body can’t handle my husband anymore.

  “If Clarissa won’t talk to me, then I have to talk to someone,” Kyle says.

  “Just take some breaths,” Toshi says. “We’re all a little shocked right now.”

  “Shocked? Really? That’s what you call it? Sebastian’s practically hovering over my wife, and I know why he is. Did you finally swoop in and take what you wanted? Huh? Did you forget I married her?”

  I look up at Kyle and sees his eyes flickering between colors. Red and purple and yellow and green. It’s mesmerizing. I can see claws protruding from his hands as the crowd begins to back away from him. His teeth are gnashing, and his body is posturing for a fight.

  They’ve turned him.

  Kyle’s like me.

  Why can’t I tolerate him if he’s like me?

  “You’re scaring her,” Sebastian says.

  “He’s not scaring me. My body just can’t be near him.”

  I stand to my feet and shrug Sebastian’s presence off my back.

  “I don’t understand why,” I say.

  “Does anyone here know Lord Wesley?” Kyle asks.

  “He’s my father,” Vlad says. “Why?”

  “I freed him. From his cell. Dropped him off in an abandoned house where he told me to leave him so he could get back to his village?”

  “You freed my father? Is he okay?”

  “Weak, but he said a good meal and a shower would help him,” Kyle says.

  “Sounds like him. What did he have to say for himself?”

  “You said you had information?” Toshi asks. “About what?”

  “Should we take this inside?” Sebastian asks.

  My body heaves at the motion of being in a house with Kyle, and it brings tears to my eyes.

  “Come on. I’ve got a better place to talk,” Joel says. “And you need some clothes.”

  “No. This can’t wait. Look. Lord Wesley said that the Council is fractured. One part wants to kill all humans, and another wants to change them into me. Into Clarissa. He says no one is going to make it out of this war unscathed,” Kyle says.

  “We need to talk in private,” Toshi says.

  “No!”

  I watch as Kyle shoves Toshi into the show.

  “You guys have to listen to me. I get that you don’t like me, and you hate the fact that I’m the one that got Clarissa and not you. But this affects her,” Kyle says. “One side wants to make her a weapon, and one side wants to make her a dispersion for the serum.”

  “So there is a serum,” Vlad says.

  “Yes. There is. I’m assuming that’s what they’ve used on me,” Kyle says. “You have to believe me. This came from Lord Wesley himself. Clarissa, you’re in danger. I have to get you out of here.”

  Kyle lunges for me, and I want to go into his arms, but my body instinctively recoils from him. I fight with all my might to reach out to him. To take his hands within mine and feel the strong arms of my husband around me again. But the answer I was looking for is staring me right in the face.

  Kyle might be alive, but he is not the man I married.

  My husband is dead, and the man in front of me is a reborn carcass I’m not familiar with.

  A reborn carcass my body can’t even tolerate.

  Kyle scrambles to get to me, but I burrow deeply into Sebastian. Theo and Joel wrap their arms around Kyle’s and begin dragging him in the opposite direction. He’s fighting against them with everything he’s got, and I can see the anger on his face. I can see his veins pulsing with a need to turn, and it brings tears to my eyes. Sebastian wraps me up in his arms, and Toshi rubs my back as Joel and Theo drag him away, and I can feel my heart shattering into a million pieces.

  The hope of Kyle being alive is snuffed out by the realization that, at a biological level, I can’t have him. My body won’t hear of it.

  “Come on,” Toshi says. “Let’s get her inside.”

  Sebastian cradles me in his arms and walks me all the way back to the cottage. He sits me in a chair, and I turn to look out the window. I see Kyle still fighting Joel and Theo as they hand him off to someone else. They’re talking with him. Probably trying to get him to calm down, then I see him willingly go with some strange person I’ve never seen before.

  Probably one of the villagers who might take him in.

  Like Joel and Josie did for all of us.

  I stare out into the snow as I try to digest everything that has happened. Kyle. His encounter with Lord Wesley. The information he’s confirmed. All of our theories were mildly correct. The Council was united in their idea for war, but two sides would be fighting for different reasons. One to eradicate and one to transform. That means we’re fighting not one, but two distinct wars. Fighting to keep me and my child alive and fighting for the fate of the human race.

  They aren’t deserving of death nor are they deserving of the prison my body has encased me in.

  I hear the door open as heavy footfalls hit the floor. Theo. Joel. They’re both back. I lean into my chair and pull the blanket around me that Toshi snagged, and I can hear all of them whispering. Talking low behind me like I don’t have the capability of zoning in on their conversation.

  “Dispersal method? What does that mean?” Vlad asks.

  “We can’t be certain Kyle even knew what he was talking about. He’s been captive for weeks,” Toshi says.

  “Yes. And there’s the whole business of him dying,” Theo says. “That can have any number of psychological effects on someone.”

  “But he talked to my father. I trust my father’s word,” Vlad says.

  “Well I don’t,” Sebastian says. “But I do trust Theo and Toshi’s opinion.”

  “Want to know my opinion?” Vlad asks.

  “No,” Sebastian says.

  “My opinion is that, whatever we do, someone has to be here for Clarissa. She’s just seen her husband, and she physically can’t stand him. We all know what that’s like,” Vlad says.

  “I’ve only had it happen to me once, and it was awful,” Toshi says. “My own grandmother.”

  “Gia’s mother,” Theo says.

  “Wow. That’s rough,” Sebastian says. “There was a woman in my former pack that affected me like that. But nothing to the extent that Clarissa just experienced.”

  “Whatever you guys think about what Kyle was talking about and whatever you deduce from it, know that this is affecting her,” Vlad says. “Her mate is alive, but she can’t touch him. Her body is revolted by him. She won’t be the same.”

  I never t
hought I would be in Vlad’s corner. Ever. But the more I came to know him and the times I could get him alone and talk with him, he grew on me. And now, he’s with the guys trying to get them to see past Kyle’s ramblings and understand how this is affecting me.

  In all of this, he’s worrying about me.

  “Has anyone heard anything about dispersal methods or serum?” Toshi asks. “I know you and Vlad were the ones doing the patrols.”

  “I didn’t,” Sebastian says.

  “Neither did I,” Vlad says. “If anything, the intel I overheard has them tipping their spears with it. The serum that is. Nothing about using Clarissa for anything.”

  “Then we assume it’s something Kyle’s misinterpreted or that the Council has implanted something into his head,” Theo says.

  “If we go by that logic, then we can’t put it past the Council to have released Kyle of their own volition,” Toshi says.

  “I don’t think so. Kyle seemed lucid. And he said he freed my father, and the Council would’ve never let my father go like that. Ever. I think Kyle escaped,” Vlad says

  “I don’t know what to believe, but I know this. We have a war coming. And we better be ready,” Sebastian says.

  I heave a heavy sigh in the corner as the guys go down the hallway to finish their conversation.

  Josie comes to check on me from time to time, and she keeps asking about my pregnancy. If I’m in pain. If I need anything. But I don’t have the energy to answer her. My heart hurts. My soul is aching. Kyle is within reach, and my body is revolted by him. It’s all madness. One massive trick to hurt me, I know it is. If Kyle has been changed into the thing I am, then shouldn’t we be even more compatible? Insatiable for one another? Unstoppable in our love and lust?

  Isn’t that how this works?

  Tears fall silently down my cheeks as the sun begins to set. Everyone eats dinner and Sebastian is trying to coax me to eat for him. But I’m getting tired of his antics. Of his babying. Of his control. I whip my gaze up to him and growl, silencing him and forcing him to back down.

  “Get away from me.”

  I see pain rip over his face for a split second before he nods and walks off.

  I don’t want to be near anyone anymore. I don’t want them all looking at me like I’m a ticking time bomb. I get up from the chair after sitting there for six hours, then pull the blanket around my body. Everyone stands and their eyes fall on me, but I avoid their gazes. Their silent tongues. Their hovering bodies. I walk down the hallway and close myself in my room, then I fall to my bed in a fit of tears.

  My husband really is dead.

  And the realization makes me feel emptier than I’ve ever felt before.

  Chapter 19

  Toshi

  Isit outside of Clarissa’s room and listen to her cry. I can’t stand the sound. I can physically hear her heart shattering against her chest. I lay my hand on the door and begin purring out for her, waiting for her to sync herself up to me.

  “Toshi?” she asks.

  I waste no time in scrambling off the floor and opening her door.

  “Yes?” I ask.

  “Come be with me.”

  She pats the bed next to her, and I shut and lock the door. I walk over to her and sit beside her, then feel her head fall to my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her and rub it up and down her back, pulling from her purrs that ricochet deep into my abdomen. I can feel her trying to sync herself up with me. Our sounds. Our hearts. Our impulses. I can feel our souls melding into one like they did that night in the small Russian town after getting back from Vlad’s village.

  The feeling is so wonderful, and it gives me hope that she will be okay.

  “You know how much I care for you,” I say.

  “I know,” Clarissa says.

  “We all care for you. And we can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

  “It hurts so much,” she says breathlessly.

  I squeeze her into my side and feel her mold to me. Her hand slides across my chest before her arm hooks around my neck. She freely falls into my lap, and I cradle her body against me. I rock, side to side, desperate to get her sobbing to stop as she buries her face in the crook of my neck.

  “We only want what is best for you,” I said, whispering. “No matter what it takes.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says.

  “For what?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. I feel your hurt. Your pain. Your loneliness. I’m sorry.”

  I close my eyes and press my cheek to the top of her head.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I’m sorry.”

  “Why is this happening?” Clarissa asks. “If we’re the same, why doesn’t my body like him.”

  “It’s rare, but every once in a while a Primal will come across another Primal they are physically repelled by. It isn’t because they are disgusting or ugly or anything like that. But the pheromones our bodies emit have a very specific chemical makeup, and some mesh better than others. Some are like locks-and-keys, which are those who can’t keep their hands off one another. Some are compatible because they are similar in pattern. Mirror images. Those are the ones who are best friends. Kindred spirits. Then there are those who are chemically the complete opposite of one another.”

  “And those are the ones Primals can’t physically approach,” she said.

  “Yes,” I said somberly. “And it seems that whatever Kyle’s been changed into—”

  “We’re chemically opposed now.”

  I hear her sigh, and it causes me to pull her closer. I know it isn’t what she wants to hear, but I know her deepest desires. She wants answers. Conclusions. So I know me explaining it to her is what’s best for her in the long run. Her hand falls to my heart and a purr rumbles in my chest. Her thumb begins to stroke my shirt, and I can feel the heat of her skin prickling through it.

  “Clarissa?”

  “What are we?” she asks.

  I furrow my brow as she looks up at me.

  “Are we lock-and-key? Or mirrors?” she asks.

  My eyes fall to her lips and guilt floods my chest. She’s grieving. She’s heartbroken. The last thing on my mind should be kissing her. Caressing her. Especially after Sebastian has claimed her. But our bodies are falling into a stable rhythm, and she’s pulling deep purrs from my gut. I can feel her electricity sparking against my skin.

  It’s all too much.

  “Why can’t we be both?” I ask.

  Her eyes dance between mine as she lifts her lips. I keep my head still, wondering if she’ll come to her senses before they connect. But as her mouth rises to mine and our tongues begin to touch, it happens.

  What always happens when a Cat has found its mate.

  My purr turns into a caterwaul.

  Her back falls to the bed, and her sighs are replaced with the same sound. Her eyes are dilating, and her hands can’t stop touching me. Smoothing over me. Tugging at me. Her legs are wrapping around me, and her head is nuzzling underneath my chin. Her scent is overwhelming, and I can feel every hair on my back stand on end.

  She’s voluntarily going into heat, and I know I won’t be able to contain myself.

  My hands trickle underneath her clothes, feeling her electric skin at my fingertips. I lap at her skin, licking and sucking my way down her neck. Slowly, her clothes come off. I slide them from her skin as she brushes her entire body against me. Her breasts. Her cheek. Her thighs and her arms. Rubbing herself all over me in an attempt to coat me in her blissful perfume.

  I lap at her engorged nipples and take in the beauty of her milky skin. Her hands are delicate in the way they strip my clothes off. The way they rush down my back and spark a heat in my gut. Her scent is growing. Morphing. Changing from the strong garlic odor we’ve come to associate with her into a sweet, delicate, almost floral scent. Her legs part for me and her womanly scent hits my nostrils, sending me into a frenzy.

  This is happening.

  There’s no looking back. />
  I dip down, our fingers lacing together, and I taste her. I’m overcome with a need to have her. To swallow her whole in the midst of her heat. She’s wailing out into the room the feline Cat song of mating. A sound that is music to my ears as I lick her clit. I suck, and I swallow, and I wail my own sound into her pussy. Her thighs are clenching around me, her milky arousal melting on the tip of my tongue.

  Clarissa is more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined.

  I can feel her approaching her end, and I know what’s coming. I brace for it. Welcome it. Smile as I feel her bucking against my lips. Her hips are undulating like the rolling waves of the crashing sea. A water I can tolerate. A water I can bathe in.

  Water I can love.

  I press my tongue into her clit and her back arches from the mattress. Her juices spray from her body, marking me as her own territory. I feel my cock growing. I feel it begging to be inside of her. Her scent clouds my vision as I pull myself up her body, thrusting my lips upon hers.

  She’s all too eager to taste herself on my lips as I slide myself into her wet heat.

  She shivers with me, her hands sliding up and down my back. Our bodies roll as one as our wails sync up their tunes. A harmonizing chord pulsing to the rhythm of our beating hearts. I’m drenched in her. I can feel her fluids dripping down my neck. I lap at her skin and nibble at her collarbone. My tongue darts out and drags her earlobe between my teeth. Her purrs are getting louder, and her caterwauling is filling the room, and I can hear the guys at the end of the hallway calling out for her.

  But she isn’t deterred.

  Neither of us are.

  She wraps her legs around me as my knees dig into the mattress. She’s rolling into me, her pussy swallowing me down. My cock is throbbing. Leaking against her fluttering walls as her hands fall out to the side. I slide my palms down her arms and lace our fingers together, pinning her to the bed as I thrust faster.

  Pound harder.

  Wail louder into the room.

  Our bleeding chorus of love becomes whining passions of lust. I’m slamming into her and feeling her jump for me. Her beautiful bosom rocketing against my chest and her fingers curling into my hands. I cover my mouth with hers, swallowing her desperate cries as our tongues battle for dominance. She has me trapped. Trapped between her legs and her body. The place I’ve wanted to be for weeks.