Every Way Read online

  So, the weekly dinners dropped to once a month, and now my mother was only present if we called on her for something.

  “Look, I only care about what you think,” Hailey said as she pushed me away. “I’m sorry your mother’s mad, but it’s our decision. Your father doesn’t seem to have an issue with it, so it sounds like a personal problem. And she can deal with it personally.”

  “How are your parents doing with everything?” I asked. “You told them about it, right?”

  “Of course, I told them I was pregnant, you maniac. Anna’s over here all the damn time checking on me.”

  “Anna’s not your mom or dad,” I said.

  “I mean, it is what it is with them. Now that I’m cancer-free and they aren’t losing me, things are sort of settling back into their place. They’re in Phoenix, so they can’t really do anything for me.”

  “They could come see you. I keep offering whenever I do talk with them. We’ve got plenty of rooms in this house for them to occupy.”

  “And whenever we do talk, I offer. But, it’s my parents. I don’t really know what to say other than that. We didn’t really grow close during my treatment. They were just there because they felt guilty. And speaking of my sister, how’s she doing at the foundation?”

  “Good, as far as I know. Ellen hasn’t regretted hiring her on yet. She’s keeping her as her own personal in-house counsel as well as funding Anna’s cost-friendly legal service.”

  “She’s funding it?” Hailey asked.

  “Have you not talked with Anna about any of this?” I asked.

  “When she comes over, we have a strict ‘no work talk’ policy. It’s nice, but I don’t know much other than she got hired a few months ago there.”

  “Far as I know, she’s doing well. We just approved one of her projects for the summer. She was wanting to offer a service where anything that requires a simple consultation and one court appearance, like juvie things and such, are offered free of charge. Ellen loved the idea, the board approved the funds, and I signed the paperwork a few weeks ago.”

  “That’s awesome! I’m glad things are going so well for her. But don’t tell her I asked. If she thinks I’m interested, work is all she’ll talk about when she comes over.”

  “My lips are sealed, gorgeous.”

  “Can you set the table? The food’s almost ready.”

  “One set table coming right up.”

  Things with Hailey seemed effortless now. We were back from her European tour and settling into home nicely. Her skin was glowing from all the sun, her body stood taller than ever, and the tour had boosted her public profile in ways she couldn’t have imagined. Random people on the streets recognized her and wanted pictures and autographs. Even people at home wanted her signing their paintings they had already purchased. Ramon had sent us off with wonderful connections we had made in every country we touched down in, and he’d told us if we ever needed anything to give him a call.

  He was ready to set up another tour for the books, but I told him to give us some time to settle in and have the baby.

  I set the table as Hailey waddled between the fridge and the stove. I pulled out some drinks as she put the food on the table, watching her every move. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and how beautiful she looked carrying my child, the way her bosom had swelled and the way her thighs had thickened. It called to me in ways I couldn’t describe. Sometimes I would lie down beside her at night and dream about all the ways I could take her. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and she was round with the life I had placed within her.

  “Down boy. I recognize that look,” Hailey said.

  “Maybe for dessert then,” I said with a wink.

  “I think I’m going to have to hire someone else to run the gallery after I have this baby,” she said.

  “What happened with the girl you hired while we were on tour?” I asked.

  “She’s graduating, and she’s not staying in the area. Which is understandable. But that means I’ll have to hire someone else full-time, and that can be hard when you’re dealing with a student.”

  “So, don’t deal with a student,” I said.

  “I actually thought about asking one of the women who frequently showcases her paintings in the gallery. You know, the one who paints on her back porch for fun.”

  “You think she’d do it?” I asked.

  “If she won’t, I’ve got plenty of candidates from the first time I did this. I could call them up and see if they still want to set up an interview. I’m hoping to hire someone on in the next five weeks because once I hit thirty-seven weeks, labor won’t be stopped if it starts.”

  “I bet your profile being raised in Europe will help with hiring, too,” I said.

  “I want to start with the pool of people who applied before all that happened. Hiring someone because they’re a fan can run things into the ground sometimes. I want someone to care about the gallery and what I’ve done with it. I don’t want to hire someone who wants the job just because it’s me.”

  “Ah, the struggles of the rich and famous.”

  “I’m hardly rich,” she said, giggling.

  “But you are famous.”

  I leaned over to kiss Hailey, and the hairs on my neck stood on end. The sun was setting behind the trees, casting a warm glow all over the house. Her tan from her time in the sun was glowing, her face was radiant, and her body was fluid. I hated when she called herself things like “beached whale” and “bloated.” I knew part of it was a reinforcement by my mother, but I also knew part of her really believed it. She really looked in the mirror and believed she looked terrible. Her body was doing something mine never would, and that was a beautiful thing. She was giving me the greatest gift anyone could possibly give me, yet all she could see was what it was doing to her outside.

  “You are the most intoxicating woman, Hailey,” I said.

  “You’re just saying that so you can have dessert later,” she said, grinning.

  I cupped her cheeks with my hands and forced her eyes to look at me.

  “Your body is growing life. You’re growing another human being. And in a few weeks, I will watch that human being slide from the confines of your body. What is happening to you is magnificent. What is happening to you is something artists and authors have documented in paintings and books. I didn’t think it was possible for you to be any more beautiful to me until I watched your body swell with life.”

  “I love it when you say things like that to me,” she said breathlessly.

  “I don’t say them because you love them. I say them because they’re true.”

  She brought her lips to mine, and our bodies melded together. I could feel our child pressing into my abdomen as my arms wrapped around her body. I could hardly contain myself. Talking about building the baby’s nursery furniture almost blew the surprise. I was grinning into her lips as she pulled back, and her eyes grew quizzical as I tried to bury it.

  “What’s got you all smiling?” Hailey asked.

  “I just love it when you kiss me.”

  “No, this smile’s different. It’s ... mischievous. Bryan McBride, what have you done?” she asked.

  “Not a damn thing,” I said.

  Hailey started to protest before a familiar look crossed her face, that look she got when her insides were being used as a punching bag. I helped her sit down before I pressed my hands to her stomach so I could feel our child kicking out at us.

  “She’s moving,” I said.

  “Yes, he is,” Hailey said, grinning.

  She groaned as our child kicked against my cheek.

  “I feel you, little one,” I whispered. “I know you’re there.”

  Our child kicked out again as Hailey slid down into her dinner chair. I rolled up her shirt so I could cradle my hands against her skin. Then, I pressed a kiss to her stomach. Our child was dancing, happy and full of life. Our child’s kick was strong, knocking against my lips as I pressed kisses into Hailey�
��s stomach. We finally had a chance at happiness. We finally had our chance at forever.

  It pulled a smile across my face as I thought about my surprise for her.

  I was building her a home. The home she had always dreamed of. Instead of moving the nursery furniture into this house, I was going to be moving it into that house. I knew Hailey would be upset because of the lengths she had gone to in order to paint the room she had, but now that she was finished, I could put the finishing touches on it. I could come in and have her artwork made into wallpaper I could use in the nursery in our new home, our new home that would have as many rooms as we needed.

  It would symbolize the start of our new family and a fresh start for all of us. The house I was building wasn’t tainted with either of our pasts. The only thing that would touch it was our future. There were things that plagued us in this house. Arguments we’d had when we were dating and times that John had come in high as a kite. Moments when my parents had chanced to leave their decadence to descend onto my pathetic life and pick it apart.

  I didn’t want to bring our child home to any of that. I wanted to usher in this new phase of our life with a clean slate.

  The house I was building was going to have it all. Plenty of rooms, a built-in art studio for Hailey that had the best view of the entire place. Bathrooms with jet tubs that she found relaxing even now in the late stages of her pregnancy. There would be a massive kitchen for us to cook in and plenty of room to entertain guests. And it would have a massive backyard for our child to grow up running around in.

  I was evening making plans to build him or her a custom playground set.

  “I see that grin again,” Hailey said. “What in the world are you thinking about?”

  “How nice dinner smells,” I said.

  “Oh, no, no. You’re not getting out of this that easily,” she said. “What are you thinking about?”

  I looked up into Hailey’s eyes and debated on whether to tell her. I wanted it to be a surprise, but the house was almost finished. I could tell her about it, and we could move in together. She could see the rest of the progress and make any changes she wanted to make.

  But as I drew in a deep breath, I saw that twinkle in her eye. That anxious twinkle that always made it worth it to surprise her. She was terrible when it came to finding out surprises, and I knew I had her truly in the dark with this one.

  No. I wanted to see her face when I put the entire house together. Just for her.

  Just for us and our baby.

  “My child is kicking out at me,” I said. “It’s ... a miracle what your body has done.”

  I watched Hailey’s face soften as she ran her hand through my hair.

  “Dinner’s getting cold,” she said.

  “One dinner for my hungry wife, coming up.”

  Chapter 2

  Hailey

  Last night had been fabulous. Dinner was wonderful, dessert was intoxicating, and I fell asleep with Bryan’s voice muttering how much he loved me. Our intimate life had skyrocketed since I’d gotten pregnant. My hormones were in overdrive, and it caused us to mark every city we came into contact with while we had been on my European tour. He would wrap his arms around me and lazily slide in, robbing me of my very breath as he shot electricity throughout my body. I loved it when he held me close and cradled my stomach. It was like he was holding the proof of our love as we continued to brew it between the two of us. He was my muse. My artistic expression. My body’s way of proving to me that I was still alive and kicking despite everything I had gone through.

  But I hated myself whenever I looked into a mirror.

  I knew I needed to be gentler on myself. After all, I was growing a child. But I felt my body wasn’t mine anymore. I looked at my hair that was steadily growing back, the brown hair I’d known throughout my childhood. I didn’t feel like a brunette. I felt like a wild, spicy redhead. But with all the chemicals in hair dyes, I was advised by my doctor against using them.

  And that was before I looked into a mirror.

  Whenever I stood in front of a mirror, the only thing I could do was take stock of how my body was changing. My thighs were larger and ricocheting with light stretch marks. My stomach was split in half by a darkened line as my belly button protruded from my body. My arms were bigger than ever, and my feet were spreading so much, I had to buy all new shoes along with all new clothes the bigger I became. My cheeks were rounder and redder, and there were angry purple stretch marks that cascaded down my stomach. None of my clothes fit properly, and I had grown to a point where Bryan could no longer fully wrap his arms around me.

  Every time I looked in a mirror, I became a bit more depressed. I had watched the cancer treatment rob me of the curves of my body, and now I was watching this pregnancy grow my curves to points I’d never wanted them to reach. And I loved this baby. This baby was proof that I had survived, that I could live a normal life, that even with all of the turmoil Bryan and I had gone through, we could still create a beautiful life with one another.

  But I was seven months pregnant, and I had never felt more unattractive in my life.

  No matter how many times Bryan declared I was beautiful and no matter how many times he made love to me, I still felt unattractive. No matter how many times people doted on how well I was carrying my weight and how radiant my face looked, I still felt unattractive. Every time I woke up and stood in front of the mirror, trying to piece myself together, I saw some new thing about me that was changing, a new fat roll that had popped up or a new stretch mark that had burst onto the scene. I was an everchanging sculpture that was being carved by a madman. I was a painting slowly dripping in the rain after not having properly dried. Now, the evidence of my exhaustion was on my face. I could hit a point in my pregnancy where heartburn was waking me up and getting up to go to the bathroom was its own abdominal workout. There were bags tugging at the bottom of my eyes and rings that were beginning to form, darkened rings that cast a shadow over the entirety of my face.

  And I couldn't even have caffeine because I was pregnant.

  Peeling myself from Bryan's arms, I allowed the sunlight to drench my face. We had just gotten back from my European art tour a couple of weeks ago, and we were still settling in. I busied myself at home with painting the nursery before I decided to go back to work, but each day I woke up became a little harder than the last. If it wasn't the heartburn or the constant need to pee that was keeping me up, it was the fact that our child was pummeling my insides and using my kidney and liver as a punching bag while I try to prop myself up to get it to stop.

  Needless to say, I was not one of those women who enjoyed being pregnant.

  I slid from the bed and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I knew I was about to start my morning ritual with picking apart every little detail that had changed overnight. I saw it as I turned on the light, rubbing my hand over my aching stomach. My skin was stretching to points I didn't understand were possible, and as my eyes adjusted to the light beaming through the bathroom, I thanked my stars it was Saturday.

  I reached for the lotion and began to rub it all along my stomach. It was supposed to help with the stretch marks, but I came to figure out that it was simply false advertising. But still, the skin on my stomach was so dry, it was now beginning to flake.

  Another change for a body that was falling apart.

  I rubbed lotion on my stomach and then ran it up my chest. My breasts were so full of milk, they were beginning to leak. They were drenching the front of my shirts during the night and forcing me out of bed to change my outfit. Laundry had become a bigger task than ever because I could no longer bend over the dryer in order to pull things out. Bryan was now having to help me with things I never needed help with before, like putting on my socks or getting out of bed or picking things up from the damn floor.

  It wasn't just how this pregnancy was changing my body. It was how it had rendered me useless.

  “Knock, knock.”

  It wasn't until Bryan
had knocked on the bathroom door that I realized tears had sprung to my eyes. I rubbed the last of the lotion into my bosom and then walked over to the shower to turn it on. I tried to shield myself from him until I could get my tears to go away, but instead of taking the hint that I wanted to be alone, he came in and shut the door.

  “Hailey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I said, sniffling. “Just a bit tired.”

  “Did you not sleep well?” he asked.

  “I never sleep well anymore.”

  I snapped at him more than I should have and sighed. I turned my reddened face to him and allowed him to see the tears dripping down my face. Bryan’s state of shock turned to panic, and he quickly strode over to me and gathered me into his arms.

  Well, he gathered up what part of me he could hold.

  “What happened?” Bryan asked. “Talk to me.”

  “I just want to take a shower,” I said.

  “Then we’ll talk in the shower.”

  I stepped into the warm stream of water and allowed it to rush down my back. I could hear Bryan's clothes dropping to the floor as he undressed. The warmth of the shower wrapped around my body, relaxing me as Bryan stepped in and closed the shower door. His arms threaded around my stomach, cradling what he could in the palm of his hand as I pressed my back into him.

  “Talk to me,” he said. “Please.”

  “This pregnancy is just getting hard,” I said.

  “How so?” he asked.

  “How so? Bryan, look at me. My stretch marks are raging out of control, my feet have spread, my thighs have gotten bigger, my boobs hurt, I can't dye my hair the way I feel it should be dyed, and there are bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep I've been getting because every time I turn around, I either have heartburn or I have to pee. I can't have caffeine to help me wake up, I can't bend into the dryer to finish the laundry, I can't even pick up a damn fork off the floor whenever I drop it, and somehow, I'm supposed to be happy with how my body is being manipulated whenever I look in a mirror.”