Cruising Love Read online

“I never left.”

  I let that sink in for a second before I continued.

  “Could we talk?” I asked.

  “Anywhere, anytime. You name it and I’ll be right there next to you.”

  His statement created a grin across my cheeks as my skin flushed.

  “Pizza? At my place?” I asked. “Say—an hour or so?”

  “I’ll pick it up on the way,” he said.

  I rolled out of bed and took a quick shower. I thought about dressing up, but what I really wanted was to be comfortable. I pulled a pair of sweatpants from my suitcase and dug around for a sweater, then went to grab us some drinks. By the time I was done moving boxes out of the way and clearing off the couch, Colin was knocking on my door with a large pizza in his hand.

  “Delivery,” he said, as I answered the door.

  He looked incredible. His tie was loosened and the top button of his shirt was undone. His coat was slung over his arm and he carried the pizza in his other hand.

  If I wasn’t so upset with him I would have pulled him in for a kiss right then and there.

  “I cleared off the couch,” I said.

  “You haven’t unpacked yet?” he asked.

  “Been a little busy,” I said.

  “You tell that boss of yours to quit working you so hard.”

  We sat down on the couch, the pizza box between our bodies. I handed him a soda and as he took it, our fingers brushed against one another. The electricity that shot up my arm caused me to jump, and I covered up my flushing skin with the massive slice of pizza I brought up to my lips.

  I could tell that Colin was anxious to talk, but he was waiting until I started the conversation.

  “You can start, if you want,” I said.

  “What I did was wrong,” he said. “And how I went about everything was not okay. I should’ve come to you and told you what I wanted to do. The plan I had rolling around in my head. And instead, I went behind your back and it spiraled out of control. The more I tried to control it, the worse it got. I’m sorry, Abby.”

  “I am curious about one thing. Why did you hire the P.I. in the first place?” I asked. “What was the point of digging into my past?”

  “If you had skeletons in your closet that the media could find, I wanted to have stories crafted for them. To spin them quickly and automatically. I saw how flustered and sad you became when the media pounced on you at the conference, and I wanted to keep that from happening again. But the ‘I love you’ speech only works once.”

  “Colin,” I said, as I reached for his hand. “Why the hell didn’t you just tell me that?”

  He turned his hand up and cradled mine as he sighed and closed his eyes.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I guess—I’m just so used to handling everything on my own. I’ve never had to run things by anyone else. If something had to get done quickly, I just did it.”

  “That’s not how it works in a relationship,” I said.

  “Well, I’m learning that now, I guess,” he said. “The hard way. And what I said on the phone, I never should have let my anger control me like that. Next time, I’m going to be upfront and honest with you about what’s going on.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “It’s a start.”

  “Now, it’s your turn. Talk to me, please.”

  “I haven’t, and that’s where I need to apologize. I’m mad at you for lying and keeping secrets, but I’ve been doing the same.”

  “What’s going on, Abby?” he asked. “Do you not love me anymore?”

  “That isn’t even the question,” I said. “I have somehow fallen in love with a total stranger.”

  I watched his face morph into something akin to understanding, and that was a little shocking to me.

  “I take it you finally saw my side?” I asked.

  “Some things have been—brought to my attention. I may or may not have invited Ted out for drinks last night to pick his brain for advice.”

  “I’m gonna kill Maggie,” I said, groaning.

  “It was all good, don’t worry. If it helps, they’re on your side,” he said.

  “We’re like strangers in the night, Colin. Two people who bonded over fabulous sex and a mutual frustration for weather patterns. But if someone were to ask me where you enjoy vacationing the most, or what you do in your spare time, I’ve got no answer for them. Because I don’t know any of this stuff about you.”

  “Then we need to take the time to find out. Over dinner, or maybe we should take a vacation ourselves. I could take you to my favorite spot and tell you how it earned the title,” he said.

  “I’m scared, Colin,” I said. “That’s really what this boils down to. I’ve uprooted my life. I’m in a city I don’t know. I’m engaged to a stranger who happens to be my boss, for a new job with certain complications. I’m twenty eight hours from home. It’s, I—”

  Colin moved the pizza from between us and scooted closer to me. He wrapped me up in his arms and pulled me into a kiss. My heart fluttered in my chest as his hand cupped my cheek. I could feel the heat pulsing between us, covering our bodies in a warmth that soothed my soul. I melted into him. Into the way his tongue stroked my mouth. Into the way his hand slowly ran its way through my hair.

  I loved the way he touched me, but we couldn’t bond on physicality alone.

  “I’m scared that we’ve made a mistake,” I said, breathlessly.

  “Did that feel like a mistake?” he asked.

  “It takes more than sexual chemistry to make this work though, Colin,” I said.

  “I’m willing to work on the other stuff. I really am. No matter how much work it takes.”

  “It’s not just other stuff, Colin. It’s me. You don’t know me and I don’t know you.”

  “Then give me time to get to know you, Abby. Give me time to learn how to spoil you. Give me time to walk you around the city myself instead of shuttling you in that car,” he said.

  My fear was grabbing me tighter than Colin ever could. His kiss was wonderful, but it didn’t stop my mind from racing. I could hear Colin talking, but I couldn’t discern what he was saying. My entire body was being coated in fear, and I could feel myself trembling against him.

  “I just wanted to talk with you. To be more candid with you. I can’t tell you why I’m so scared, why I’m so fearful. But I am, and right now I don’t know how to fix it.”

  Colin withdrew, physically moving himself away from me as a look of defeat crossed his features.

  “I can’t lose you, Abby,” he said.

  “I’m not asking you to let me go. I’m just asking you to give me space. Especially now that you know why I’m asking for it.”

  “Okay,” he said, nodding. “I can do that.”

  He stood up from the couch and part of me didn’t want him to go. He weaved around boxes that were still packed, much to my embarrassment, and I chased him all the way to the door. I grabbed for his hand, my heart thinking before my mind could kick into gear.

  Then I slowly dropped his hand once the voices in my head began to speak to me.

  “Abby, look at me.”

  I slowly lifted my eyes towards his, taking in the icy blue stare of this cold, rigid man.

  “Sometimes, our brains can talk us out of the best things in our lives. When I started my company, it wasn’t from my mind. It was from my heart. I threw my whole life into it. I learned the trade, inside and out. I did it all that because I loved it, Abby. I still do. If you want any sort of proof as to what I can be if you drop your fear and let me in, then just look at Murphy, Inc. It’s grown and it works the way it does because every step I’ve taken in my business I’ve done out of love for it.”

  I felt tears crest my eyes as his lips brushed against my cheek.

  “Enjoy your pizza, Abby. I hope to speak with you soon.”

  Then I watched as he walked down the hallway, hands in his pockets and his strong shoulders slumped. He wasn’t even trying to hide his disappointment. He wasn’t tryi
ng to hide his defeat.

  He was trying to be candid with me. To show me he could keep his promises.

  Chapter 11

  Colin

  It seemed like I was losing Abby. No matter what I did or what move I made, I only seemed to make things worse. I had no idea how to reign in the situation or make it any better since it had spiraled so badly. It seemed that between Abby and I, everything I touched turned to dust instead of gold.

  And I didn’t understand why.

  I didn’t want to lose her. I loved Abby with every fiber of my being. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know her favorite color or most cherished childhood memory. I loved the woman she was. The person she was. The person she wanted to be. I wanted to stand by her side and support her. Help her. Watch her grow and flourish and succeed. I wanted to help her reach any height she wanted to launch herself towards, and I wanted to be there to catch her when she fell. I wanted to kiss her tears away and wake up to her smile every single morning for the rest of my life.

  I wanted Abby, and I was willing to do anything to have her.

  As I sat in my office over the lunch break, I thought of her. Of how badly I wanted her. How badly I needed her. I had no idea what to do, or what the right step was now. I was petrified that the more space I gave her, the more she would convince herself that she was happier without me. But I knew I could make her happy. Our time together had proven that much to me. No one would ever be able to convince me that she wasn’t happy when she was with me.

  But the hectic nature of our lives seemed to get in the way of all that.

  I needed to do something to make her see that this was the right step for us. That we were meant to be. That our paths had converged the way they did for a reason, and that this was it. Spending our lives together and building a world just for the two of us. That was our destiny. To forge bonds together and conquer the world in whatever capacity we dreamed of.

  Individually or together, side by side.

  We were closer it seemed when we were on our road trips. When it was just the two of us stuck in a shabby room together. Our schedules had gotten busy so quickly after we had gotten engaged that we didn’t really have time to enjoy it. Work, including endless meetings, got in the way and my desire to keep her safe was stifling her ability to fly the way she was used to flying. To exploring the way she was used to exploring.

  To learn the way she was used to learning.

  That was the answer. We needed another trip together. Another trip with us stuck in a room where we could come together as a couple and simply enjoy one another. I just didn’t know if a road trip was the answer.

  So, I opened up my computer and started doing a little research.

  Abby had mentioned something about taking vacations together. Taking a vacation somewhere to a place that meant something to one of us. It wouldn’t really be a vacation if I took her back home, but I knew where I could take her to educate her on me a little bit.

  A Caribbean cruise.

  It was perfect. I could get us a balcony suite and treat her to spa days and hot tubs with endless drinks, and I could tell her stories about the first cruise I ever took. The cruise that got me hooked on cruises from that moment on. If she wanted to know what my favorite type of vacation was, then I wouldn’t just tell her about it.

  I would take her on it and show her.

  Looking up availability, there was a Caribbean cruise leaving a nearby port on Monday. That was a pretty short timeframe—only three or four days from now. But the next cruise up to my standards didn’t leave for another three weeks, and I was worried that would be too late.

  I was worried Abby might leave me before then.

  So, I booked the trip without hesitation. Two tickets on a prime Caribbean cruise for seven days. Nothing but the ocean surrounding us, luscious foods to indulge in, and a balcony that hung right over the ocean waves below.

  All I had to do was convince Abby to go with me.

  Picking up the phone, I dialed her number, hoping she would pick up. I knew she needed space, so I had to make the phone call quick. On the last ring, when I figured it was going to shoot me to her voicemail, she picked up.

  “Hello?” she asked.

  “Abby. Hey,” I said, smiling.

  “Hey Colin. How are you?”

  “I’m doing okay. I’m at work. How are you?”

  “Just laying around which is nice. I’ve been feeling so tired, like I haven’t gotten enough quality rest since the conference.”

  “What if I told you I had a remedy for all that?”

  The phone went silent before I heard her sigh.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Would you have dinner with me tonight so we could talk about it?”

  “I just told you I’m tired and you want to take me out to dinner?” she asked.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t thinking. I just—”

  Be honest. Be open. Be communicative.

  “I miss you more than I can stand,” I said, breathlessly.

  There was silence on the other end of the line. I could feel her considering my words. I could feel my heart thundering in my ears as my hand began to tremble.

  Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say—

  “Okay,” she said.

  “Okay? You will? Perfect. If you want it to be a short dinner, I understand.”

  “Just let me get a nap beforehand. A late dinner maybe? Pick me up around eight?” she asked.

  “Whatever you want, you name it,” I said.

  “See you then.”

  I could hardly contain my excitement. Finishing up at work faster than ever, I rushed home to get ready. I put on my best suit and called in reservations at my favorite restaurant. I planned on telling her why it was my favorite tonight in the hopes that she would learn a little more about me.

  Enough to give this cruise a shot.

  When I got to her apartment, she came out in a lovely dark green dress. It fluttered around her knees and matched the heels she was wearing. Her hair was piled high on top of her head and she wore a beautiful necklace.

  She looked absolutely stunning as she climbed into the car.

  “Hey there,” she said, smiling.

  She reached for my hand and took it instinctively, causing hope to spring forth in the pit of my stomach.

  “You look phenomenal,” I said, smiling.

  “So, where are we headed?” she asked.

  “A restaurant called Trois Mec. It’s my favorite restaurant in all of L.A.”

  “Why is that?” she asked.

  “The first time I ever ate there I was a cocky bastard. I tried to order everything in the butchered French I thought I knew, and the waiter actually laughed at me.”

  “That sounds horrendous,” she said, giggling.

  “But the food, it was fantastic. I wanted to compliment the chef, and when he came to the table he started rattling off in French. I nodded like I could understand him, then responded in kind. I meant to tell him the food was fabulous, but I ended up telling him he looked like a goat.”

  “Oh Colin,” she said.

  “The place keeps me humble. That is why I enjoy going there.”

  I could feel Abby’s eyes on me, and I turned to catch her sparkling stare.

  “You really do look beautiful tonight,” I said.

  “I’m glad you got me to come out,” she said.

  We pulled up to the restaurant and I led her inside. Her skin felt so warm against mine, and I could feel my body raging out of control. I hadn’t so much as kissed her lips in days, and my entire body was aching to pull her into one of the restrooms.

  But I took a deep breath and tried to silence the voices in my head.

  “So, what is this magical remedy of yours? To help me get rested up?” she asked.

  “I want to start off by saying you were right.”

  She cocked her head slightly as her brows furrowed in confusion.

  “That happ
ens a lot. You’ll have to be more specific.”

  “I’ve missed that wit of yours, too,” I said, grinning. “You were right. We don’t know much about each other. Not as much as two people who are engaged should know. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get to know one another.”

  “Okay,” she said, “I’m listening.”

  “We bonded the best when we were away from work. When it was just the two of us in a room. Or in a car.”

  “Not another road trip,” she said. “I can’t take another one.”

  “In our uh—rather heated discussion, you mentioned something about vacationing to our favorite places,” I said.

  “If you tell me you’re taking me on another road trip—”

  “I’m telling you I’m wanting to take you on a cruise.”

  Her eyes grew wide as a grin slipped across my face.

  “A Caribbean cruise, to be specific.”

  “A cruise to the Caribbean.”

  “Yes,” I said. “It’s my favorite kind of vacation. I love the ocean and I love to eat. I can combine those two elements on a cruise while enjoying excellent shows, libations, and lots of sleep. No land in sight, no cell service, and no work distractions at all. It’s my favorite kind of vacation, all wrapped into one.”

  I watched her eyes light up as a smile spread across her beautiful face. I had missed this. I’d missed making her smile. I’d missed treating her to things she wanted. Ted had been right. I hadn’t been spoiling her in the way that was unique to her. I was just throwing things at her without any particular thought, hoping it would be enough.

  And it was destroying us.

  “I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise,” Abby said.

  “Well, if you’ll go with me, I’ve already booked us one.”

  “You have!?”

  “Yep. A seven-day cruise to the Caribbean. All the food, drinks, hot tubs, and massages you want. Not to mention sleeping in late and taking a nap on the deck under the sun.”

  “That sounds heavenly,” she said. “When do we leave?”

  “Monday.”

  I watched the smile fall from her face in an instant, and I began to panic.

  “If you don’t want to do that one, there’s another that leaves three weeks later from the same port,” I said.