Primals Read online

  For all I know, she might just be an ordinary human, a fact I should find incredibly boring. I took her on this expedition expecting a little fun and so far things have been...well, at least not that ordinary. In the past few hours that I’ve accompanied her around the city, heard her laughter and gasps, answered her numerous questions or simply watched her as her face went from shock to awe to excitement to joy to confusion to disgust to loneliness as she took in every experience, I have to admit I find her fascinating.

  And I’ve watched a lot of humans. We Cats make a habit of it. With most, we get bored. Easily.

  Today, there was never a boring moment.

  “The views from here are so amazing,” she gasps, her eyes fixed on the horizon. “Come see.”

  She crooks a hand at me, but I shake my head. “It’s okay. Just enjoy.”

  She nods, turning her head back to the scenery. “Right. You’ve seen the views already. You’ve probably been here so many times.”

  “More times than I can count,” I confess. “It’s one of my favorite spots in Tokyo, next to the Tsukiji Market that is.”

  “So, you’ve lived here in Japan all your life?”

  “I’ve traveled before...”

  “That’s why you’re good in English.”

  “That helped, as well as Hollywood movies.”

  She turns to me with raised eyebrows. “Really?”

  I nod. “But Japan is my home.”

  “It’s a great home,” Clarissa remarks, a smile on her lips.

  I have to agree it is. It was greater once. At least, I liked it better once. Before there were skyscrapers and so many people. Back when men lived in palaces and carried swords. Back when they were fearless and honorable.

  Still, it’s not so bad now, especially with all the cat cafes, the stylish fashion boutiques, the cozy capsule hotels and the fish vending machines.

  “Why did you come to Japan?” I ask Clarissa, stepping forward so I can be closer to her.

  She shrugs. “Oh, just...to trace my roots. Sort of.”

  “Your roots? Your ancestors are Japanese?”

  “Not exactly. But apparently, someone who lives here knows more about my...ancestry than I do.”

  I nod. “I see.”

  Again, she falls silent, deep in thought.

  I move in front of her, arms over my chest. “Tell me about your home.”

  “My home?” She tucks her hands into her pockets. “Well, I used to live on a farm with cows and horses and all but now, I live in an apartment with my dogs, my cats and my fish.”

  “Cats?” I raise an eyebrow. “How many?”

  “Two.”

  “What are their names?”

  “Cheshire and Speedy,” she answers with a smile. “Cheshire because you know, that cat from ‘Alice in Wonderland’ who also happened to be the name of a comic book villainess. Or so Kyle told me.”

  “Kyle?” I feel puzzled.

  “My best friend,” she says.

  Ah, that must be the human she was with, the one who splashed poor Noboru with water. I don’t like him already.

  “Anyway, he named Speedy after the superhero that Cheshire was in love with.” Clarissa sighs. “Even the war between good and evil can’t stand in the way of true love.”

  “Why should it? Love is neither good nor evil, just love. And everyone is entitled to it, even gods and monsters.”

  She falls silent.

  Too silent.

  “Don’t your cats fight with your dogs?” I steer the conversation back to a lighter, more fun topic.

  “Yeah.” Clarissa nods. “But they sort it out.”

  “Why not just keep the cats and give the dogs to someone else?”

  She whirls towards me. “I could never do that! I would never kick an animal out of its home, mine or someone else’s.” Her cheeks are flushed, eyes bright with anger. I’ve pushed her too far.

  I raise both my hands. “Okay. Okay. I get it.”

  She lets out a sigh as she gazes back into the distance. “If I could, I’d give every homeless animal a home.”

  That must be her primal side talking, if she has one, that is.

  “So, you don’t live with your parents?”

  “My parents...” She pauses, exhaling. “Sorry, but that’s a touchy topic for me right now. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “Okay.” I raise one of my hands again. “We’re all entitled to our own secrets.”

  The corner of her lip twitches.

  “What about a boyfriend then?”

  Her eyes narrow. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you have one? I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”

  Clarissa places her hands on her hips. “Are you flirting with me?”

  “And if I am?”

  She raises a finger. “One, you’ve just met me.”

  “I’m a good judge of character,” I tell her unable to resist smiling.

  “Two, I’m pretty sure you’re younger than me.”

  I grin. “And I’m pretty sure you’re not.”

  I’m very sure of it.

  “You’re still in school,” Clarissa points out, and I remember just in time my cover story. Ah yes, the school project.

  “A graduate student,” I remind her. “Here, graduate studies can take a long time.”

  “I think that can happen anywhere.” She rubs her chin. “Still, you shouldn’t be flirting with me.”

  “There’s no law that says I can’t,” I tell her. “But fine, I won’t.”

  She looks away. “So, where are we going next? It’s getting late.”

  “Where do you want to go?” I throw the question back at her.

  “Hmm. What about...?”

  Just then, I hear her stomach grumbling.

  “Let me guess.” I scratch my chin. “You want to have something to eat.”

  “What?” Her eyebrows crease. “What made you think that?”

  I glance at her stomach. “I heard your stomach grumbling.”

  “No, you didn’t,” she protests.

  “Yes, I did.”

  “No, you...”

  Her stomach grumbles again and she sighs. “Fine. Take me somewhere with great food.”

  WELL, SHE SURE HAS the appetite of a primal, I think as Clarissa gobbles up her sixth okonomiyaki in an hour, making me grateful that I brought her to an all-you-can-eat restaurant.

  I, on the other hand, have just eaten three – one, because I’m not hungry and two, because I’ve been busy watching her.

  “Mmm. That’s so good.” She wipes her mouth with a napkin.

  “I’m glad you like it,” I answer, taking a sip from my glass of water.

  She does the same. “I guess you’re not thinking about flirting with me anymore, after seeing me eat so much.”

  On the contrary, I find myself more fascinated than ever, but I don’t tell her that.

  “I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t want you to eat to your heart’s delight,” I point out, maybe a little facetiously but it makes her laugh, which was the point.

  “You have a point.” She sets down her glass. “You know what would have been nice? Unlimited drinks and I don’t mean just water.”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “Drinks don’t come cheap at restaurants here. But we can go to a vending machine and get some soda, if that’s what you want.”

  She taps her fingers on her empty glass. “Actually, I think I might want something stronger than soda.”

  “KAMPAI!” CLARISSA SHOUTS as she raises her third mug of beer, some of it spilling over the brim and trickling down the glass.

  Then she gulps as much of it down as she can, which is about a fourth of the glass, before setting it down on the counter, making a satisfied sound after.

  Well, she drinks like a human.

  “Are you sure you don’t want another?” She stares at my empty glass.

  I shake my head, my jaw cradled in the palm of my hand. “I’m fine.”<
br />
  Alcohol isn’t really good for us Cats, nor can we hold it well. I’m already feeling the buzz.

  “Suit yourself.” She takes another gulp.

  “Do you usually drink this much?” I ask her, noting her red cheeks.

  “No,” she confesses, moving her mug away from her lips, which she wipes with the back of her hand. “But you tend to drink more when you’re upset.”

  I sit up, my curiosity piqued.

  “May I ask why?”

  She strokes her glass. “Well, for one, it’s because everyone seems to want to talk about my parents when I’ve made it very clear I don’t want to talk about them. They’re dead. End of story.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  Clarissa frowns into her beer. “Why is everyone saying that?”

  I rub my temples. “Oh, no, you misunderstand. What I meant was I’m sorry that it got brought up.”

  “Oh.”

  “You’re the only one who has the right to bring up stuff like that.”

  “Damn right.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s not the worst of it, though. The worst part is that I’m starting to feel like I don’t really know myself. I mean, I seriously have no idea who I am!”

  Which means that even she doesn’t know what kind of primal she is. Interesting.

  “And I got so confused and frustrated and people were trying to cheer me up but I just pushed them away.”

  I wave that off. “Well, people should know when to leave you alone. If not, then they’re asking to be pushed away.”

  She grins. “You know what? You’re right. You’re a fucking genius.”

  And there goes another gulp of beer.

  “They should have left me alone back there,” she continues. “Actually, they should have left me alone back in Alaska. Then my life would still be the same. I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

  She sets her mug down, tapping her fingers against the wet glass.

  “Do you know how it feels like to feel like there’s something wrong with you all your life?”

  I let out a deep breath. This hits a little too close to home. “Believe me. I do.”

  “And then it turns out, something is wrong with you.”

  “Says who?”

  “I know it,” Clarissa answers. “I don’t just feel it. I just don’t know exactly what it is and I’m afraid to find out because what if I can’t fix it?”

  “Do you have to fix it?”

  She gives me a weird look. “Toshi, if there’s something wrong, then it has to be fixed. Don’t the Japanese do that?”

  “Not everything can be fixed. However, everything can be looked at from a different angle. Maybe you just have to think that there’s nothing wrong with you or anyone for that matter. Maybe there’s no wrong or right person. Maybe you’re just who you’re meant to be.”

  Her eyes grow wide as she nods. “Wow...I didn’t know you could say stuff like this.” She looks at me. “Are you sure you’re not drunk?”

  I chuckle, shaking my head. “You’re the one who’s drunk.”

  “No, I’m not,” she argues, taking another sip.

  “Since you’re asking about the Japanese, let me tell you something.” I lean forward. “You know what makes the Japanese people formidable?”

  “Their tech? Sushi? That samurai spirit?”

  “All of these things you mentioned are part of Japanese culture, of Japanese identity. The Japanese have a distinct identity. They know who they are and they’re proud of it. That’s why they’re great.”

  She puts up a finger. “Let me guess. You’re going to tell me to embrace my identity.”

  “All I’m saying is that running away from your identity makes it your weakness. Embracing it makes it your strength.”

  Her finger waves, the corners of her lips turning up. “Now, you’re sounding like Sebastian.”

  “Who?” My forehead creases. She hasn’t mentioned a Sebastian once today. One of the other primals I suspect. I hate him already.

  “Except you actually make more sense.” She strokes the handle of her mug. “Or maybe I just like you more.”

  She lifts her mug for another sip.

  I like the idea of being liked, especially being liked more than someone else. Take that Sebastian whoever you are.

  OK, maybe I am a little drunk.

  “Toshi, are you proud of yourself?” she asks suddenly.

  I take the question seriously and nod. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

  “And what’s the craziest thing you ever found out about yourself?”

  I cock my head to one side. “Oh. Now, this is an interview?”

  “Just answer the question.”

  “That I’m crazy,” I answer.

  She laughs.

  “And that I don’t like being alone as much as I pretend to.”

  That last part came out unintentionally, making me realize it’s not the alcohol. I’m drunk on something else. Someone else. Her. She’s been intoxicating me all day. I’m only just now realizing it.

  “No one likes to be alone,” she says. “Unless of course, they’re in the toilet.”

  This time, I laugh. “You are drunk.”

  “No, I’m not,” Clarissa protests again. “In fact, I think I’ll have another mug after this.”

  SHE’S DRUNK.

  I lay her down inside one of the capsules at the hotel I own, her cheeks red as beets and all the beer she just drank on her breath.

  I guess I should be grateful she didn’t throw it up.

  I push her further in so that she can get comfortable, her legs not dangling from the edge, then I toss the blanket over her. As I do, she stirs, turning to her side and tucking her hands under her head, a smile forming on her lips.

  I, too, smile.

  This was supposed to be a reconnaissance mission, an amusement. But she beat me at my own game and in the end all I did was show her around and cheer up.

  Still, I don’t feel bad at all.

  “Oyasumi.” I bid her good night, blowing her a kiss before crawling out of her pod into mine.

  For at least tonight, Clarissa can have a peaceful sleep, which I can tell she needs. No one will wake her here, much less hurt her. This whole floor is empty. It’s all mine. And the whole building has a sophisticated security system that I designed myself.

  I’m not as stupid as Noboru. I wasn’t a ninja for decades for nothing. And even if anyone manages to get inside, I won’t let anyone come near Clarissa.

  I curl up and close my eyes, yawning.

  Heaven help the fool who wakes me up.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ~ Clarissa

  I WAKE UP WITH A GRIMACE and a splitting headache, which comes as no mystery to me as my memories come rushing back along with the blood flowing through the arm beneath me, causing a prickling sensation under my skin.

  I get up only to hit my head.

  Shit.

  Rubbing my head, I lie down on my back and stare at the low – very low – ceiling above me before panic sets in and I hastily crawl out of the coffin-like structure.

  What the hell?

  Standing in the corridor, though, my panic subsides. I’m not in a prison or a morgue. Instead, I’m in a room with pods, a bed in each one. I’d heard about places like this, but would never have thought to stay in one voluntarily. I shudder. Every pod on the floor seems empty except for the one which Toshi is now crawling out of.

  Even with his hair slightly tousled and his clothes creased, though, he still looks good, the wayward strands of hair only adding a hint of rebel to his look, which suits him.

  Our eyes meet, his narrow ones with the hue that reminds me of golden sunlight filtering through the treetops as you take a stroll in the woods widening slightly.

  “You remember me, don’t you?” he asks, stretching his arms.

  “Of course, I do,” I tell him. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “That’s fine.” Toshi glances a
t his watch. “At least, you still let me get nine hours of sleep. That’s good enough for me.”

  My eyes grow wide. No way has that much time passed. “Nine hours?”

  I follow him as he walks to the end of the corridor, where he opens the blinds to let the sunlight in. I quickly step back, though, squinting and rubbing the back of my head as the glaring sunlight makes my headache feel worse.

  “Hangover, huh?” Toshi asks.

  “Yeah.” I frown, as I piece together what I remember from last night. “I probably drank too much.”

  “Not probably. You did. And maybe a little too fast, too.”

  I sit at the edge of one of the pods as a wave of dizziness washes over me, turning my knees into jelly.

  “Why didn’t you stop me?”

  “You looked like you needed the alcohol.”

  His reasoning makes a weird sort of sense. I nod. “Right.”

  I lie back down inside one of the pods, my legs dangling over the edge. Now that I know where I am I’m kind of fascinated. “What is this place exactly? I thought I was on a spaceship or something. Is this one of those weird little cubicle hotel things?”

  “This is one of the floors of a capsule hotel,” Toshi explains. “There are 120 capsules on this floor.”

  “A capsule hotel?” I stretch my arm out towards the ceiling, running my fingers across it.

  “Yes. It’s a hotel but with these pods called capsules instead of rooms. That way, more people can stay here. Also, a capsule is way cheaper than a room.”

  Well, I suppose I should be grateful he brought me here. If I were waking up in a regular hotel room, I’d be freaking out even more. At least, here, there’s no question of whether or not we had sex after I passed out.

  “No one’s staying here, though,” I say to him, as I sit up and look down the corridor. All the doors are open, and there’s no sound of anyone stirring.

  “Yeah. Well, not too many people know about this place.”

  Speaking of no one else being here, I wonder why Sebastian, Theo and Kyle aren’t, or at least, Sebastian since he seems the most adept at tracking me. Frankly, I was half expecting him to just show up behind me yesterday but he didn’t. And now, it seems I’ve slept through the night and he’s still not here.